I'm at that point in the progression of this endeavor where the doubts have set in. I've run two marathons in my life. In training and in the marathons themselves, I've come to moments when I've asked, "Why am I doing this? What good am I accomplishing?" That's my mindset right now. While this Beowulf project seemed like a really cool undertaking at first, I'm now wondering if it will ever amount to anything for others or myself.
So, sorry for a little whining. I shall press on. Ultrarunner David Horton says, "Once you make a commitment, you have to fulfill that commitment." He also says, "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." I'm going to pick the option now of enjoying what's being built. It's not an easy choice at the moment, but this is my path.
Ða him Hroþgar gewat mid his hæleþa gedryht eodur scyldinga ut of healle wolde wigfruma wealhþeo secan cwen to gebeddan hæfde kyningwuldor grendle togeanes swa guman gefrungon seleweard aseted sundornytte beheold ymb aldor dena eotonweard abea huru geata leod georne truwode modgan mægnes metodes hyldo – ða he him of dyde isernbyrnan helm of hafelan sealde his hyrsted sweord irena cyst ombihtþegne ond gehealdan het hildegeatwe gespræc þa se goda gylpworda sum – beowulf *geata ær he on bed stige no ic me an herewæsmun hnagran talige guþgeweorca þonne grendel hine forþan ic hine sweorde swebban nelle aldre beneotan þeah ic eal mæge nât he þara goda þæt he me ongean slea rand geheawe þeah ðe he rof sie niþgeweorca ac wit on niht sculon – secge ofersittan gif he gesecean dear – wig ofer wæpen ond siþðan witig god on swa hwæþere hond halig dryhten mærðo deme swa him gemet þince – hylde hine þa heaþodeor hleorbolster onfeng eorles andwlitan ond hine ymb monig snellic sâerinc selereste gebeah – nænig heora þohte þæt he þanon scolde eft eardlufan æfre gesecean folc oþðe freoburh þær he afeded wæs – ac hie hæfdon gefrunen þæt hie ær to fela micles in þæm winsele wældeað fornam denigea leode ac him dryhten forgeaf wigspeda gewiofu – *wedera leodum frofor ond fultum þæt hie feond heora ðurh anes cræft ealle ofercomon selfes mihtum soð is gecyþed þæt mihtig god manna cynnes weold [w]ideferhð com on wanre niht scriðan sceadugenga sceotend swæfon þa þæt hornreced healdan scoldon – ealle buton anum þæt wæs yldum cuþ þæt hie ne moste þa metod nolde – se scynscaþa under sceadu bregdan – ac he wæccende wraþum on andan bad bolgenmod beadwa geþinges.